We Need to Talk: Entry 3


Top 5 worst Horror games.

Yes… Worst. Surprise surprise, I actually find some horror games bad and predictable. It’s like watching a really bad horror film, you can predict everything that will happen and it happens. Although that can be used to either bait and switch or in some cases can even make some of the best suspense there is nothing suspenseful about the games on this list. I will save my top 5 best for October since trying to get Windows 8 to run anything above windows 7 is a chore upon itself.

So let’s get started shall we?


    5: Resident Evil 5 (XB360)

What Happens when you take a series known for survival horror, limited ammo, and most importantly not having co op and add more ammo, action scenes, more quicktimes than any other game, and co op?

You get the one of the worst games in the Resident Evil series. With dumb partner AI, Tank controls a good 3 years AFTER Gears of War came out, and some of the most bizarre location choices ever in the series (at that point) It’s a pure miracle the series survived long enough to make it to 6 after this. Now in the series defense, let me say I actually get some sick enjoyment out of RE:ORC. It’s simple zombie shooting fun in the vein of Left 4 Dead. In the right mood it, it can be the best and funniest game in the world if you can get a few friends to play it.

RE5 wishes it could be that fun. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have died due to missing a QTE simply due to the fact that I got tired of hearing Wesker say ‘complete, global, saturation’ in the same way you would hear a lawyer talk down a victim before Jack McCoy came in to kick his ass to the curb. It’s worse since due to limited storage I have to choose what items I need and although ditching that health spray for Magnum rounds sounds smart, it might kick your ass later due to your AI partner healing you after you stub your toe, only to get slaughtered and in critical and not having the health spray you had the AI hold is now gone since it got a papercut!

From bad AI to rubbish QTE’s, RE5 is more meh than bleh.


    4: Juon the Grudge: Haunted house Simulator (Wii)

If the words above did not make your blood turn cold then your not alive.

The term simulator is something made to justify that giant shaking box thing you see at malls to swindle $10 out of some unsuspecting kids but a haunted house is something cool since I have seen it done right… Playing my Wii is not how you do a haunted house simulator.

First off, the graphics glitch constantly, the sound cuts out, and possibly the worst thing of all…


The box basically says your choices can save the family. That’s a lie. Here is the basic plot for a Juon movie.

1 People go in house
2 ghost find people
3 people die
4 Americans make 1 good remake and 2 bad sequels… You have no idea how hard it is not to swear.

No one survives these films. So saying these people could survive gives you a vague hope you can survive but nope. You die. Worse is that it’s not scary but that’s the least of this game’s worries. From glitching graphics to a predictable story by a series known for being a bloodless bloodbath, Juon the Grudge is the 1st Wii game on this list that sucks but it’s not the last.


    3: The Thing (PS2)

… Ugh. You think a game based on John Carpenter’s The Thing would be some sort of adventure game with you either 1: Playing the events of the movie or 2: Playing the events before the movie.

Nope, Generic 3rd person shooter.

I can honestly say I owned this then traded it lest than 2 weeks later for a copy of Fatal Frame. This was the laziest game on the PS2, Xbox or PC. The graphics looked like mud even for the console, the sound was shaky and sort of tube sounding IE sound like it was recorded in a tube and to be honest it spits in the face of the fans worst than that prequel movie… or at least I think it’s worse than the prequel. I never saw it.

I have this problem with Prequels mostly since they add some sort of stupid plot twist that did not need to exist, and sequels sometimes have the same problems. This is one of those sequels.

From a generic plot stolen from Area 51 to gameplay mechanics that would make the worst TPS cry. The Thing is so nondescript that the thing is a decent title for something so bland.


    2: Silent Hill Homecoming (PS3)

Bad game I can understand. Bad concept I can understand. Borrowing from a bad movie and using that to make your game I cannot. Silent Hill Homecoming is bad in a way never thought possible as many of the series concepts are gone. You are forced into confrontation, ammo is limited on you rather than on the ground, enemies have horrible patterns of attack, and I swear the game is trolling me.

Late in the game you get all our weapons taken away and are forced to deal with human enemies with less than stellar melee weapons, to make it worse your guns are scattered all throughout the area but are nearly invisible do to the graphics, and if you do not find all the weapons then you get screwed in the final boss fight.

The story is so painful to dredge through and falls prey to that predictable story plot I stated above and is almost a retread of Silent Hill 2 but written for the myspace generations including the following

ethnic stereo type partner
Love interest
and pathetic jump scares

This is one homecoming I never look forward to.

Before I get to the final one I would like to state one thing I hate more than anything. Genericness. The ever dull feeling of something so safe and committee designed that you wonder if it was made by humans or an unfeeling robot who’s idea of good horror is the movie Locker (Shibuya Kaiden). That is what number one is…


    1: Calling (Wii)

This was literally one of my first written reviews and still fills me with disgust. This is the worst Wii game of all time and the worst horror game ever made. First off the story is ripped from a bad DTV J-horror film rip off of One Missed Call (Strike One), The graphics rely on draw distance to load properly (Strike Two), the puzzles this game has are unsolvable in some cases as the solution is the absolute dumbest thing ever (Strike Three) and finally the worst of all is the fact to know the true ending you need to play through again! Good luck with that!

The sad part is this does feel like a movie in which even if I rented the thing I would feel ripped off of $8!

This game is so bad I think I will give you a score! A 1/10! lower than Aliens: Colonial Marines I know but nothing has ever made me this angry. Ever.

That’s the top 5 worst horror games of all time. I know this list seems small but these are just a few games I have access to. If I had a bigger library, this list would be way bigger!

Enjoy your Easter and remember: Cadbury mini eggs are krunk.

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About the author /

David Phillips is a JRPG enthusiast with a chip on his shoulder thanks to Square Enix pushing Lightning all the time. Seriously! If she's likable, then Jaws is huggable! Check me on Twitter at Prinny_Rider and on Facebook at David Phillips.